The Palatial Studio

125The Live Anniversarry Extravaganza – Corey & Joel Radio Show Episodes 61 and 62 – had just ended, and everybody was leaving. Things get a little hazy in my memory as I type this; at this point I had been up for about 30 hours and the night before I had caught maybe 3 hours of sleep. You see where I am going: Despite a heavy intake of Coke (the soft drink, before any rumours get started) I was really drowsy. I remember that things ended relatively soon after the show was over. Corey & Joel did the cleanup, and I milled about a little. I remember discussing PJ’s bit with some people – it seems that most agreed he was out of line, though the Holocaust jokes didn’t really offend many people. Be that as it may, I do remember some guys were talking to me. A black dude, and a big italian guy. Was that Sal? I can’t remember but I think it was. There were also three really tiny girls, who couldn’t have been old enough for a bar, who tried to talk German to me.

Folks, if I was confused and not paying attention at this point I am really, really sorry. But I am getting old and pulling off allnighters is getting tough for me.

As we were leaving, the guys and I decided to have a late night breakfast. First, however, Corey and Joel wanted to drop their equipment off at the Compound. My chance to see the palatial studio! That place where magic happens every week – where no fan had gone before.

The compound is hidden carefully in an inconspicuous street in Ferndale. You wouldn’t find it if you didn’t know where to look. Even if you did, you’d then be confronted by security – armed guards with big dogs (all named after hosts of crappy podcast comedy shows, too). Of course, with Joel driving the limo himself and Corey along too, they just nodded and wished us a good night as we entered.

A gravel road, lined by carefully-sculpted trees, leads up to the little cluster of buildings that is the heart of the compound. We stopped in front of the main building, and immediately a tiny Japanese gardener began to rake the gravel road, obliterating the signs of our arrival.

“That building on the right,” Joel said, “is where Kristina and the other chicks live. We can’t enter the girls’ apartments. We’d have to come back tomorrow when they’re all out, if you want to see that.”

“That’s alright,” I replied. “I don’t sneak into girls’ bedrooms; that’s just wrong.”

The lobby of the studio had been recently renovated and expanded. “None of this was here when we started out,” Joel explained, taking over the role of the tour guide. “We really worked our way up to the top, and we’re not afraid to show it.” The lobby is tastefully designed and consisted mostly of marble, with polished floors and many classic elements such as pillars. Stained glass windows in the ceiling would allow colored light to filter in during the daylight; but this late at night there was only the low, warm, indirect light of hidden lamps. A large fountain dominates the lobby.

“Did you see the fish,” Corey asked. I hadn’t. And indeed, there were japanese gold fish in there, their scales hand-painted. “Each of those costs over 50 grand,” he showed off. I nodded; I had heard these fancy fish could command an insane price. “Heff has a Zoo, we have these Fish,” Joel threw in.

We continued through huge mahagony double doors and walked through several corridors. There were corridors and doors leading off in several directions. “Editing rooms, secondary studios, we even have a special effects department down that way,” Joel explained. “But we’ll keep this tour short, I think we’re all tired. You are welcome back any time if that stuff interests you.”

Finally, we entered the inner sanctum – Studio #1. “We’ve expanded this a lot since we started,” Joel explained. “This was a trump development; we now have over 70,000 square feet of studio and office space. We need every bit, too. We’ll probably have to expand again next year.”

The studio’s layout is classic; a round table for the guests, with the microphones in the center. Several notebooks were hooked up there too, for use during the show. One corner had a couch – “We use that when we want a more comfortable atmosphere,” Joel explained. “That’s also where we spanked Nadia.” On the opposite side was one huge bed. “And that’s for the bitches. We do get bitches in here sometimes.”

Behind sound-proof windows are the control rooms for the sound technicians. I nodded, impressed, not knowing anything about the world of audio-engineering. Joel veered off into a technical discussion for a while, and I am afraid I zoned out a little.

“And finally,” Joel ended, “we have one more thing to show you. The hot tub.” He led us through a door opposite the entrance. We had reached the back of the building; from here one has a nice view of the rear part of the compound. Shielded by huge hedges there it is. “This is show 22,” Joel said as he and Corey lifted the cover. Steam rose into the cold Detroit night air.

“I don’t even want to know,” I laughed.

We returned inside, and I posted a short message to the boards – from Joel’s chair in the center of the palatial studio. I couldn’t pass up on this opportunity to gloat. I’m sorry I called all of you forum guys “suckers”.

Finally, we decided to call it a night. The guys agreed to give me a ride, and we left the compound again. Behind us, the guards secured the premises for the night.

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